Surreal...

...because in my dream it snowed in the Philippines and I was like, oh no, the rooftops aren't snow-ready.

...then suddenly we were by the beach supposedly to see the frozen waters, then we saw huge shells and we started collecting them. I was able to collect a lot of big shells. Then we went back to the resthouse and saw Lynn and Jok (someone I went to dance school with, who had been quite a character, a bitch to me to be frank about it -- she hated me because I was nice *duh*). But I was willing to be there in the same room with her and forget about the stupid things she did. In my dream, I was like, "yeah, those things are irrelevant now". Anyway, I then realized I took some small sea creatures with me when I got the shells. Like two small black fishes that suddenly were biting my hand and clinging on to it as if they were leeches. In my dream, I remember the pain, it was stinging, sucking like a vacuum kind of pain on my hand but I just let it. I didn't know what to do so I let them stick on my hand and do whatever it was they were doing.

Weird. Surreal. Maybe because I was watching Andrew Zimmern of Bizaare Foods harvest sea urchins, and giant clam-like sea creatures for food. Or maybe because I really hate leech-like people who suck the energy out of me. But then, I still let them be. That sucks. (Pun intended).

PS. The setting is Philippines once more. My "home".

"Greedy Ass!"

I don't know how I can say that to anyone except to my husband in a joking manner when let's say he's teasing me and doesn't want to share his ice cream.

But then I said that in my dream a couple of days ago. To "L", a nephew who I haven't even talked to for years. In my dream we were in our ancestral house (dad's side) and we were given a huge box of fruit bars (popsicles) and we all rushed to the box to get one. But I was slow and a little late that there was no more left for me but then I realized that L took two and put one in his pocket (which was a little off because why would one store a popsicle in his pocket?). I felt bad about it and wanted so much to say my piece so I walked past him and mumbled loud, "GREEDY ASS!".

I get that kind of aggression sometimes in my dreams because I don't really lose it in my waking moments. But my bad feelings would show in my dreams (very much like my dad). Especially when INJUSTICE is involved.

At this point in my life, I have learned to speak up sometimes but I still hold back a lot because I want peace and I just try to understand instead of stoop down to some people's level of thinking.

I don't know why this one showed up in my dream. I do know for a fact that I've been around some greedy people lately and in my heart I'm wishing (and itching) to be in a place where I can put them to their place! But I'm not.

Nuff said.



PS. Our ancestral house = I've been getting a lot of these lately, some memoirs whizzing by even in my waking moments. Perhaps I just miss home, or yes, homesick, maybe. Like I'm really far away from my roots now, though obviously I'm carrying that place along with me wherever I went. Inside my heart.

Nose Bleed

How can my dream of myself having a profuse nosebleeding be so comforting?

In my dream, I had to keep changing tissues because my nose was bleeding like crazy. The good part was that I wasn't worrying at all because my mom was with me and she seemed to be in charge of the situation (as she really has always been since I was a sickly child) -- coordinating what to do, checking out which doctor to call, buying medicines if necessary, coming up with the whole game plan to restore me back to good health. In my dream she not only did the coordination with my health concerns but told me she'd give me money regularly too where in my dream I also refused to accept and told myself that if she insisted, I'll save all that money to buy her a present or return it in a big lump sum for her to use, not because I'm not being grateful but because I want her to use it and I feel in my heart that she and my dad deserve to use it.

I am amazed at the power of a dream to define your real life's affairs. At this point, I have been faced with so many health challenges -- the chest pains being the latest one so far and I keep trying to put them at bay so I try not to see the doctor as much as I can. I am not really a hypochondriac and usually dismiss them like they are nothing yet, at the back of my head, the symptoms simply tug on an internal alarm that says, "hey, pay attention this time!" It's a struggle for me to make an appointment with the doctor maybe because I'm scared of what I'll hear...yet at the same time, I also yearn for medical attention when symptoms get alarming.

It's scary, this whole health thing is...Especially now that as an adult, I am MY OWN ADVOCATE. If I want to get well, I need to kick my own butt and seek the solutions by myself.

Maybe that's why I had this dream. I miss my mom doing all these for me, that deep down inside, something tells me that I wish I can go back home and be a kid again.