My Chanel Fever

Three weeks ago, I had a multiple-images kind of dream once more...but aren't all dreams like that?

I forgot the rest of the dream but what struck me was the event in my dream where one of my really high-society aunts was selling her used and vintage designer stuff like clothes, and purses. I spotted a Chanel tote that I really really wanted to buy but in my dream I was shy to speak my mind at first (I guess that's how I really am sometimes) and another aunt spotted it and went ahead and bought it. And I couldn't complain even if I saw it first, because I really didn't offer to buy it first!

I can't begin to tell you how that felt. Hahaha.

Material things. I am really not a materialistic person, and I don't let brand names define who I am as a person. I strongly believe that it is not what you wear or carry that must define you, IT SHOULD BE WHAT'S INSIDE YOUR HEART THAT MUST SHAPE WHO YOU ARE (in your eyes, in other people's eyes, and in God's eyes).

BUT!!!

Of course, as a woman, I have my wishes too. The only signature/designer brand that I really really really like is CHANEL. And I can prove that to you by saying that last Christmas, all I wanted was a simple Crayola Glow Station and thought to myself that I would be truly disappointed if hubby made good of what he has always wanted for me -- to buy me another Louis Vuitton purse. Yes, I'd choose Crayola over Louis Vuitton. I'd choose a new sketchpad over a Coach bag.

BUT!!!

Chanel is a different story. I'm in love with it. It's simple, elegant and not trendy. It sort of speaks about the WOMAN's taste not the size of the pocket of the one that carries it. Although, sadly it's true too because the prices are unbelievably sky-rocketing high.

And hubby got me a brand new Chanel purse sometime this year (that cost an arm and a leg...and as I always say, a head). And I said I'll stop wanting for more, but deep inside, I am yearning for another one.

I don't care if it's vintage, or pre-owned. I was just hoping to have another one. I've been scouring websites and frantically hoping to bump into one more.

Ergo, the dream.

*sigh*

Woman.

Mini Mini Cooper (as in super small)

There are so many things I cannot remember anymore as I write this...3:26pm. But one thing is for sure, I went to the church yard (similar to when I was going regularly to serve as lector when I was in high school), then I was about to go home. I don't know why but it seemed that I didn't have my car at that time. And then I saw a Mini cooper (it's really extra low and small, like almost a kid's play car) and I said oh, they will let me borrow this. So I used it. Then I realized that I got rear-ended, or I must have parked right into the wall, or another car, because I saw that the two rear-lights were broken and crushed. I was like, oh no, I'll get in trouble. But maybe I won't if I don't tell. Then in my dream I was like, oh no, I should tell. It's not good not to tell since it's my fault!

Integrity. I value it.

But it doesn't mean I'm not scared of getting in trouble, and sometimes TEMPTED to save my a$$ just so I don't get in trouble.

Funny that I dream of this right after a boo-boo I had at work last Thursday which sent my sanity careening off its axis. No sane person would like to get in trouble at work, especially at this time and economic situation where lay-offs abound. I remember trying to find ways on how to explain myself (maybe sugar-coating a fact or totally omitting it). I'm still hoping and praying that I didn't do such a bad thing hahaha.

Maybe I was being overly paranoid!

But yeah. Integrity. I value it.

It still wins in my heart.

Bicycle again...

A couple of days ago, I dreamed of this. Yup, riding again.


It was a narrow road, with vegetation on each side. Green surroundings! The road was concrete. One long straight road with different elevations, highs and lows, cycling...cycling...cycling...

In my dream, I knew where I was going but I sensed a feeling of fear (yet confronting and overcoming it anyway) while I rode along on downhill slopes akin to rollercoaster drops. I just remember gripping the hand brakes hard and modulating my speed and managing not to fall anyway.

Funny thing too was...I stopped at this house (my cousin's house?) in the middle of a field and my grandmother's cousin who I fondly called Lola Liling (Rest in Peace) was there. She said she's the only one there in the house but she appreciates my visit and wanted to send me some goodies before I left (like food most likely).


Maybe I really do have real-life problems on BALANCE. Whether it's about balancing my priorities or time, maybe I'm really eating more than I can chew. Maybe I just have so many interests and passions. Isn't that supposed to be good though?

OR...

because right now, I am in the middle of working out so many things for hubby and I -- setting some financial responsibilities straight, in the midst of tasks and paperwork...chores...projects, projects, projects that leave my creative mind bursting at its seams.

Sometimes I'm scared, but I'm standing up to the responsibilities -- usually able to accomplish goals anyway, solving problems, executing game plans, the whole nine yards...

And Lola Liling. I don't know. Maybe I miss her. Maybe I miss home. Maybe I miss the care and concern that I used to get a lot of from elders (the adults when I was a kid -- mom, dad, grandparents), because I am an adult now and holding my own... Because I am an adult now and responsible for others' lives now too.

Or in a paranormal point of view, maybe, she is watching over me. Who knows?

Philippines

I just wrote here yesterday that I haven't remembered my dreams -- seemingly not having had any dream at all, and I woke up this morning suddenly remembering bits and pieces! I'm over the moon! What a coincidence. The workings of the mind are really puzzling, and amazing.

Anyway.

In my dream, my hubby and I were on a short visit to Philippines (similar to our visit in 2008) and I remember having sad feelings that the visit is too short. What I can remember is having been able to spent one straight week in my hometown Batangas where we had so much fun and family bonding with my sisters and my parents.

The trip was ending and I was getting sadder and sadder about the thought of leaving. I remember packing the suitcase. I had the suitcase wide open on my old bed, and I temporarily rested my glass of wine on it while I did other things. It was so vivid, even seeing that almost empty glass sitting inside the left corner of the suitcase (the suitcase was still disorganized without much stuff in), and me making sure it doesn't get knocked down and spill.

Then my sister Trina approached me. She seemed to be in highschool still (she's married now) and while we were looking out my bedroom window, she showed me a "mimeographed" handout in recycled paper, reminiscent of our old test papers back then. She was complaining that her project assignment was a Christmas Tree made of cherries. She didn't want it to look red, because she said a Christmas tree should look like a Christmas tree -- green leaves and all.

Then we were leaving for Manila and soon to the airport, I told everyone I wanted to stop by my mom's work (at the bank) first to spend a little more time before I say goodbye. (but my mom has been retired for more than a decade now!)

Those are the things I can remember so far. I am not surprised that I dreamed of this because I was just talking to my mom last night. Plus, I've been realizing lately how much I miss my parents and wish I can be there for them now that they are getting older. As to why I've been dreaming of old memories - my sister being young and my mom still working, I don't know. It's a puzzle to me. Perhaps it's just long-term memories coming back, as my growing homesickness subconsciously digs it up. I've been having little recollections here and there of my childhood, triggered by different stimuli for my senses, a smell, some food, an image, even the weather and the look of the sky -- all a pleasure to have!

Wanting to visit my mom at work before I left? It represents only one thing...that I'm pining to spend each little time I can get to be with her. And my dad too. (Although perhaps it was only my mom I was going to visit that day because she's more the obvious emotional one and I wanted to appease her feelings too -- which applies to this day) But in that dream, it was really more of wanting to spend every little time left. I'm always scared of having very little time left with them. That thought eats me up most of the time.

And my sister and her Christmas tree, it's very real in a sense that it reminds me of how she stands by her principles in life. And how she'd fight for them, stick for them all the way.

The wine? I was just drinking wine last night when because hubby cooked some steak. I sometimes do anyway to wind down after a hard day's work. Or when the mood calls for it.

And why I was visiting Philippines? My brother-in-law and his wife are there visiting some folks. Perhaps I wish I was visiting at this time too. No, not perhaps.

No Dream

I haven't been dreaming lately. Just kidding. Then that means I haven't been sleeping too.

I haven't been remembering my dreams. If at all, they fizzle out as soon as I proceed to my daily awake affairs.

That's sad. That means I'm too busy again. Perhaps too stressed out to have enough room to remember what my sleeping mind has to offer.

Slow down, girl.

Slow down.