Dream Baby

A few days ago...there were fleeting images in my dream again (but that's really how dreams usually are). What remains in my memory is holding a baby, a little child, perhaps a toddler, he was a boy and he was hugging me back and holding on to me as if I was his source of comfort. He was sleeping with his head on my shoulder and we were just in a perfect hug...almost locked together in a perfect manner, not too tight and not loose, no uncomfortable angles. How should I say it....WE FIT EACH OTHER LIKE A GLOVE?

Perhaps it's because of so many babies and toddlers around me lately. Plus, with my sister expecting. Or is it me yearning to have my own?

I just remember a really really peaceful feeling.

But it didn't last long because in my dream, I think we were in a party and I caught somewhere else and I realized that the baby was no longer with me and I couldn't find him and I remember thinking, "Oh maybe he went back to his mom and his through with me -- coz you know how babies have fleeting attentions." And I remember NOT INSISTING TO FIND HIM, more like I was resigned and that I was ready to move about without him. Resigned in a way that I've had my fill and I was done too.

Am I moving on from the sad place when my own baby died? This yearning to have my own baby -- another one, a live one this time... Am I starting to be at peace with actually not bearing one just yet?

Do I really want one to begin with or am I contented with playing with someone else's kids now? That way it isn't a full-time job?

Bite the bullet, Clarisse.